Black Femme Fatale

a woman's perspective on almost everything..

And Now It’s Time to Say Goodbye… October 13, 2009

Filed under: fefe's rambling.. lol, life — FeFe Fatale @ 2:02 pm

Hello, America!

You all may or may not have noticed that my presence has been sparatic for the past 6 months. The fact of the matter is that I just don’t have too much to write about lately. I take that back- I have plenty to tell, but just haven’t felt like writing.

The truth is that I’ve been trying hard to get into this blog thing, but I just haven’t gotten attached to it. Jolie and I started this blog a little over a year ago because we realized that we truly do say some funny shit and just wanted to share it with the world. Our stories were SO outrageous that we even decided to mask our identities. It was fun and secret and silly.

But then I started feeling like I had to be funny, or witty, or attitudinal on each blog. And that became a chore. So then I decided to pull the emotional strings of our readers and write things like “I fix” or “FeFe’s Testimony.” And the feedback was great.

Then I wrote about my dating hiatus and the silly stories behind that. And then we unmasked ourselves and that added some excitement. And that’s where it stopped. And I haven’t been able to get into the blog thing since. So I’ve decided that this will be my last blog. FeFe is leaving the building. The blog will remain, but due to “creative differences,” Jolie and I are no longer partners in crime. With that said, here is the recap of my life and my farewell.

Family: I’ve written numerous blogs about my family and how they have shaped my life. I am happy to say that right now, my family life is great and drama free. My father is still recovering from his paralysis and not 100% yet, but the last time I was home, he was able to make it twice around the track and even jogged a little bit! God is Good!

Friends: You make new friends but keep the old. This past year I’ve been blessed to meet 2 people who I am sure I will know for the rest of my life. It’s a great and refreshing feeling. By May, five of my closest friends will have had babies. That’s so major. It totally changes the game. I’ve also lost a friend. It hurt for a little bit, but hey everyone has a season and I’ve never been in the business of begging for friends.

Men: Oh the men! I’ve had one rocky ride with the men this past year. I’ve gone from being sprung over  a long distance relationship in Arkansas, to giving up dating for Lent, to dating again and hating it, to my current situation- booed up again. There is never a dull moment in my dating life, I swear. Right now I am just enjoying the ride.

Job: I have one but I will be making a career change soon. I’ve also started teaching Zumba for some extra bucks.

Life: Life is great right now. I’m learning how to go with the flow more and more. Relinquishing control is hard because I am a control freak, but I am making progress. I’ve been very reflective lately. Just noticing things that people do as individuals and as a whole.

I guess that sums it up. This blog journey has been great, but it’s time for me to bid you all adieu!

God Bless,

FeFe

 

Friends… How many of us have them? September 29, 2009

Filed under: fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 4:01 pm

Authors note: this blog is all over the place because I couldn’t really focus, but for some reason had to write. My apologies.

My grandmother has always told me that all I need are five friends in life. This has been on my mind lately. It’s not often that I meet someone whose friendship I truly value. The inception of my friendships usually coincide with a mile marker in my life- first day of elementary, middle and high school. College. New job etc.

I can say that I have a TRUE friend for each of those mile markers.  It’s a true blessing.

I have five best/close/play sister/play brother friends. And they all serve a different purpose in my life. They are all very different individuals. They are in separate circles and different areas of the country. But they all KNOW ME. And when I say know me… I mean they can tell me all about myself and love me all in one. It’s these relationships that I value the most.

I think that I am noticing the depth of these relationships more nowadays because I’m getting older and our lives are changing. We are getting married, moving, having kids, getting new jobs, going back to school, taking care of our parents and everything else. The days of me stopping by at 1am just to kick it are waning. Seasons are changing and I recognize and appreciate it.

I was going to write about why friends come and go. But then I realized that that’s just life. People change, times change. So instead of focusing on the loss, I focus on the gain. Like clockwork, when I lose a friend, I gain another. 

This year I have been blessed to meet two new people who have added so much value to my life… and they’re guys! I usually don’t have a lot of close close male friends. But these men have shown me that I can truly be friends with them. It’s new to me.

 

Home Sweet Home! September 16, 2009

Filed under: Family, fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 10:22 am

Hello, World! Remember me? It’s FeFe!
I haven’t been around in a LONG LONG time. I think its been since July when I was talking about my coworker and how we aren’t dating. So much has happened in my life since then, but I want to take this time to talk about the good: my trip home to Springfield, MA.

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My summer was very, very, very, VERY, stressful and in fact, I am glad that it’s over. I decided to take a trip home a couple weeks ago to see my family and friends and RELAX. I am so blessed to say that this is the BEST visit I’ve had home since I left the nest at 18. It feels SO GOOD to be around true friends who love me and know me better than they know themselves.
I took off a week of work over labor day and figured I would go home for a few days. I ended up staying the entire week.
Thursday: I take my time leaving out and finally got on the road with Tre (my Accord coupe) at about 430pm to arrive home at 10:30pm. The drive was so great. I just loaded my CD player with USHER (my husband), Beyonce (my bff), Anthony Hamilton (my wise older brother), Chisette Michelle (my twin), Maxwell (my babymaker), and Jay-Z (my hype man), and just rode out with the sunroof open and all the windows down.
Friday: Daddy day! My Dad and I went to the track and hung out and he talked my ear off! I even told/presented him my business ideas and he is on board! (Stay tuned for that. I’m finna blow up!) For those of you who follow the blog you may remember one entitled “My Testimony” where I talked about my Dad being sick and paralyzed. Well clearly now we were at the track and he was JOGGING! GOD IS GOOD!
Later that day I went to visit my very best friend in the whole wide world, Tiara and her new family. She just had a baby! In fact I spent the majority of the trip with her and her hubby and 2 month old. I must say, however, that my biological clock is NOT ticking. Babies are a lot of work!
So we all go out to the Stone Soul Picnic that night and I thought I would see a lot of people from high school, but I didn’t. That’s too bad too because I still got it! :)

Saturday: Oh Saturday! I spent Saturday with the, as my mom would say, the “in-active love of my life,” Ron. Ron is by second very best friend in the whole wide world. We dated all 4 years of college and know each other too well. It’s so great to be around a man who just KNOWS you. I haven’t found a bond like that with a man since he and I broke up! So Ron just bought a big ass house in Hartford, CT. It’s so fab. And who has creative reign on it? I do, that’s who!
So we spend the day together, go to ikea, a cookout, come home and watch “I Love You, Man.” He’s so great. I spend the night, we sleep cuddled up in the bed without even getting fresh with each other. Swoon.
Sunday: Breakfast with Ron. Then off to Vermont with my parents. We had such a good time! We ate a late lunch at this restaurant on the water. It was SO picturesque! Then on the way back we stop at my favorite store in Northampton.
Monday: More time with family and friends and Ron. Oh, Ron! Swoon. I spend the night again. And this time he tried to get FRESH. Lol. But I refrained because I can’t even have it go there again. (Pats self on the back)
So I spent the rest of the week relaxing and getting my goals lined up.
In short, I love my family and friends. They’re great. Sorry if my return to the blog world was uneventful, but I am just truly happy right now. Life is good!
More blogs to come. (Probably one about Ron since I’ve never blogged about him before he will be a new old story to share with you all)

 

READERS/LURKERS: I need your HELLLLLP I’m flippin out! July 8, 2009

Filed under: fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 2:07 pm

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LITERALLY>>..So please mark this on your calendar because I, FeFe Fatale, very seldom ask for advice. But here I go. If you know me, you know that I prefer to explain things in bullets. So here I go.

• There’s some eye candy at work. By eye candy I mean FINE! Like do a double take fine. So I run into him in the stairwell and intro myself and suggest that we be lunch buddies. He explains that he works a weird shift and can’t leave the building for lunch but that we can hang out after work. This is back in Fed/March

• We talk on email and communicator throughout the day everyday. We end up meeting up one day at the gym, and then we go see the cherry blossoms.

• 2nd meetup: Posh nightclub and U st. for dancing and drinks

• 3rd meetup: Star Trek at midnight after I got stood up.

• 4th meetup: cook-off at his house where we reenacted iron chef. I won.

• 5th meetup: Rita’s and Wii at my house

• 6th meetup: movies at his house, the mall and just hanging out

• 7th meetup: transformers 1 at his house. Transformers 2 at the Imax in Baltimore followed by dinner and dancing and hangin out at the harbor


Ok, so you get the point. We’ve been hanging out a lot and really getting to know each other. All these meetups have been his idea. And he pays for everything. We have fun together. I like him.

So his stats:
• Just moved to the area and knows 2 people here besides me and his cousin and coworkers.
• Very fine.
• Good job.
• Funny, athletic, not stuck on himself at all.
• Had a live in gf a couple years ago who he was about to propose to until he realized she was cheating. Now he feels like he wasted those 4 years of his life.
• Has tried to get back out on the scene, but in my opinion is bitter and scorned.
What he thinks about me:
• He thinks that I am so fly, the perfect gf type.
• “If I had met you instead of my ex we would be married by now” is what he’s said
• “I look at you like you’re the perfect girlfriend for me, but I want to take things slow”
• His friends back home know who I am

So here’s the kicker… we have not KISSED! (And my breath does not stink… I’m sure of this.) So I’ve written him off in the PH (potential husband) department, but enjoy his friendship in the meantime.

My questions are: 1)WTF is his problem? 2) Jolie likes to say that he and I are dating. Thoughts? 3) Should I just plant one on him and see how he responds?

 

Ummm, for real tho… can someone comment! June 23, 2009

Filed under: fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 5:01 pm

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America, we revealed our identities weeks ago and no one has commented on that! I think it’s comment worthy. I love this pic of me and Jolie. Recognize! That’s all I’m saying. :) lol

 

An Ode to RaShawn June 9, 2009

Filed under: God, Religion, fefe's rambling.. lol, prayers — FeFe Fatale @ 9:07 am

Hello America! I haven’t written anything in awhile because I really didn’t have much to write about until last night.

For some reason a friend of mine who I hadn’t spoken to in over 6 months came across my mind. So, I decided to hit him up on his FB page. I go on the page to find out that he passed away!…. In March! One day he found out he had a brain tumor and he was gone from us within a month. (His sister wrote me a note telling me what had happneded).

Needless to say, I am thoroughly shocked. It’s been on my mind all night. He was such a great person. Very funny, always the life of the party. I could just hang out with him and have a good time. Now I feel horrible for not keeping in better contact.

So I decided to post one of his blogs on the site. This one in particular is exactly how I remember him.

live life. do right. be humble. love God.

-FeFe

VERIZON WIRELESS

So….I’m at the club on a Friday night, and it was one of those Fridays nights were I just had everything working….Smelling good, check….Looking fly, check….Mojo, Check!!!! It Felt like as soon as I walked in, it was like all eyes on me. Like the crowd was just blacked out and I had the lights on me!! Your boy Rodrigo had a good night at the club….I think that night I messed around and got a triple double. It was around 3:30am and I’m looking at my phone contact list and see how it just multiplied in a matter of hours!!! Ant drove that night, so I took it little bit farther than usual with the drinks…On the way back to the whip, I realized I still had a cup full of Vodka waiting for me in the car…oh happy day….Nothing like leaving the club happy and knowing you still have that night cap waiting for the ride home….Little did I know, that, that cup of Vodka will play an intricate role in my life on Saturday……

Needless to say, I went to sleep in the whip about the same time Ant turned the ignition to start the car. I’m pretty sure I went to sleep with a smile on my face due to the productive night. When I wake up that next morning, I’m looking for my phone to look at my progress. I look in my pants pocket….NO PHONE….I look in the living room…NO PHONE….I look in my shoes, under the bed, the kitchen…NO PHONE!!!!!!….at this point I start to panic and try to re-think….no success…Don’t panic, Rodrigo, Don’t panic Rodrigo…Then it hit me….”I run and BANG on Ant’s door and ask him to see his car keys…He throws the keys at me, I run to the car look under the seat, on the side of the doors and then I lift my head up only to see my new Verizon phone in the same cup of Vodka that I planned on drinking when I got in the car!!( It was back when that new Verizon phone came out, the flip phone joint. I was like the only one with it at the that time…I’m sure that phone probably contributed to like 3 numbers that night, due to ladies not knowing about it)

I grab my new phone out the cup and watch the Vodka drip from my Qwerty keyboard. I run in the house like I’m running a 100 yard dash, I hop over the couch and run to get a dry towel, a match, some ice, and a cup. I remove the battery and start to wipe the phone and the battery down…I hit the power button, and no response…I start to administer phone CPR…still no response….I take the cup, add the ice, and start to drink more Vodka(Bad Idea)….I try CPR one more time, this time with the charger plugged up…zzzzzz, I GET A NOISE AND A DIMMER OF LIGHT!!!!!!! By this time J30 is in the building I jump up with-out spilling my Vodka..Yell at J30 to Grab the Vodka and pull the Car around, it’s still a chance to save my phone. I put my phone in the dry towel and run to the car, I slide over the hood and jump in the passenger seat…were speeding to the mall the get to the Verizon store to try and save my phone…the drinks are flowing in a constant manner the whole way there. I get to the store and notice a long line…it was no time to wait in line…I go straight to the front of the line despite a few threats and some disgruntle individuals. I get to the counter and I show the lady my phone and she says, there is nothing we can do, it has water damage!!! I tell her she’s wrong…I knew it didn’t have water damage…it had Vodka damage, two completely different things in my eyes. After that didn’t work, i say to myself, i’m a good looking guy, i’ll use my looks, females do it all the time. So, i ask her, whats her name throw a little smart comments in there and then the Vodka kicks in….I tell her what can we do to make this situation right? I was being way to aggressive, once she found out it was about the phone and not her, I was denied in every sense of the word!!! After me and her going back and forth for a good amount of time, I say can I speak to your manager. Soon as the manager comes over, I decide to tell him that I’m a rapper on Tour and I need my phone….Every time he tries to talk, I don’t let him…I couldn’t take anymore bad news. At this point, I do the unthinkable……I fill my tear ducts up with water and tell him that I have a lot of important things on that phone and I need it to work!! He looks at me in a shocked manner. He is totally confused at this point…He leaves the front and walks in the back to tell his co-workers that a grown man is on the verge of tears…I’m in the front lobby pulling a hissy fit…I lay down in the middle of the store in a manner that would make a two year old happy…I start using the verizon’s store personal phone and start making Long Distant phone calls back home! I’m still pretty shakin’ up about my phone while I’m waiting on a verdict, I decide to sign a couple of autographs and do a little stand-up comedy in the store…everyone is laughing and having a good time…then I look outside and notice a few security guards, I don’t pay them any attention…Sh!t, I was a rapper in the need of assistance, they couldn’t tell me anything!! Then the Verizon store manager comes back to the lobby….*drum roll*…..Mr. Calhoun, we will replace your phone. Oh Sh!t…Oh Sh!t…oh Sh!t….I felt like I just beat a case…I’m jumping around the store giving high fives, signing more autographs, and I Start break dancing!!!! People in the store are actually celebrating with me!! I got a new Phone, I was able to save all my numbers, and I was able to save my pictures!!!

Their is only one Rodrigo Calhoun and That’s ME!!!!!!

 

I GOT STOOD UP! May 20, 2009

Filed under: Get Out My Face, fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 3:09 pm

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This is a Rant…

 

  • I GOT STOOD UP ON SATURDAY NIGHT! Yes, stood up! And I don’t play that shit.
    • So I just started back dating at the beginning of the month. I met this guy we went out 3 times. The fourth date was supposed to be sat night. I call when I am on my way to meet him and… no answer. THAT’S SOME WACK SHIT…. Did he not see my video vixen self?!?!

 

  • DATING SUCKS… I’ve always said this, but I abso HATE dating.
  • I am trying very hard not to revert to the old Serial Dater FeFe. I got stood up, but of course I had a plan b. I had a great time with my plan b. But now I am feeling like I need a plan C and D… and that’s the old FeFe and I don’t want to regain that feeling that I have GOT to be with someone all the time.
  • Alas, this is a battle of good and evil. A tug of war of morals and progress vs. fun and stagnation…. Woe

Here is the story of what happened: (I was telling a friend of mine over gchat)

me:         so dude that stood me up called

                and you know what…

                I AM A CHANGED WOMAN

 I didn’t even revel in the fact that it could’ve been a juicy story

 Thomas: Really now?

 me: i just told him it was messed up and disrespectful and not to call me again

Thomas: Wow

 me: yes he called tonight… 3 DAYS LATER

Thomas: The 3 day rule

 me: yeah he figured I wouldn’t be mad anymore

                that was his rationale

                and its true…. I’m not mad

I told him “why would i be mad… it’s not like we’ve been friends since kindergarten and you betrayed me… I don’t even know you”

 Thomas: Wow

 me: “but common courtesy and respect for humankind would tell you that you should call and let someone know you cant make it”

Thomas: Yup

  You right

 me: so he says “you’re right. I’m wrong. I can be kind of selfish sometimes”

  “i say… no I’m selfish. I don’t like to share… that’s what being selfish is”

“you are disrespectful and have no regard for my time. and i am also led to believe that this is normal behavior for you. its just what you do. you eff up and then try to make it up later. i can see this pattern already and ive only known you for 3 weeks!  and I don’t play that.”

 Thomas: Crucial

 me: “there’s a major difference”

  so then he apologizes again and says he will call me at work tomorrow

  womp

  so I was going to play along but then i thought… there is no time for all this shit. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM so I sent him a text telling him not to call anymore

 Thomas: Man…Cold blooded

me: men r a trip

 Thomas: But you did the right thing

 

EL FIN

 

The Post that never got posted.. May 5, 2009

Filed under: Love — FeFe Fatale @ 8:51 am

ADMIN NOTE: I think this post is relevent although FeFe wrote it long ago.. Enjoy and comment!— Jolie

 

By FeFe Fatale

 

Ok so we are all aware that “Love’s Taken Over” and that “FeFe’s Got a Man at Home” now. Yes, and all is good with that. But, now since I haven’t had a BF in my post college days, I am wondering where the line is drawn.

 

Case in point: I co-hosted an “If You Like it Put a Ring Pop On It” party this past weekend. That party was fab. My homegirls and I invited all of out single friends so that they could mingle and possibly meet someone. (Steal our idea if you want… we know it was a great idea.) So since I am unavailable, it was my duty to pass out the ring pops.

 

“Welcome to the party… if you like what you see, then put a ring pop on it!” is what I said as I was greeting people and being social. Note: my boyfriend was not there, as he was out of town for the weekend. So I just played the role as a good hostess and chatted, and greeted, and flirted, and offered drinks and whatnot.

 

I, in fact, found that saying that I was not accepting ring pops got me mass attention and I loved it. It was such an ego boost. So anyway, I met a lot of men that night, and had I’d been single I would’ve given out my number and taken that ring pop. But instead I had a good time flirting and dancing until some dude said “WTF… you have a boyfriend? You sure aren’t acting like you have one!”

 

Now my thoughts are that

 1) If I am hosting a party then I am not going to be anti and sit in the corner of a party that I hosted because I have a BF and cant talk to anyone

 2) What is acting like you have a boyfriend? If he were there, I would’ve chilled with him for a bit, chilled with my friends and meet new people and mingle

3) People that were there told me that I didn’t do anything that a boyfriend would disapprove of

4) My man knows that home is where the heart is… and my heart is with him

5) Other negroes can stop trippin

 

America, what are your thoughts? Where is the line drawn between friendly flirting and being social and crossing the line to inappropriateness? What does it mean to “act like you have a boyfriend?’

 

Note: This was written when I was still with Mr. Little Rock… as we all know… I AM SINGLE AGAIN!

 

I Know How to be Bourgie too… I think April 17, 2009

Filed under: fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 7:44 am

By FeFe

So now that I’ve listed my Ghetto Tendencies… let me list my bourgie tendencies.

 

Let me preface this by saying that I grew up in Massachusetts so I was exposed to white things all the time. Often people equate bourgie to white and white to upper class, but in Massachusetts, black people are more apt to do white things. Lol. I tried to revolt and rebel against a lot of these things because I didn’t want to be typecast. But here are some things I couldn’t avoid.

 

  1. I was a debutante.
  2. I attended the upper class black church in Massachusetts that had a horrible rep for being “high siddity.”
  3. All of my grandparents and my parents and the majority of my cousins have graduated from 4 year institutions, and they’re not all black schools.
  4. Greek life is very prevalent in my family, all the way back to my grand parents.
  5. My grandfather’s were trail blazers in business.
  6. My parent’s were one of few blacks at the time that went to integrated schools because of they were one of few blacks in the neighborhood period.
  7. I grew up spending summers at the Cape (i.e. Cape Cod, but we never had to do the “black” thing and go to the vineyard, though I now regret not wanting to go)
  8. My Friday evenings were spent polishing silverware and removing dishes from étagère to set the table for one of my grandmother’s dinner party the following day.
  9. I was told not to play outside as to not “get my knees black.”
  10. Church was attended every Sunday only in the most proper attire.
  11. My family is heavily affiliated with Camp Atwater (Google that).
  12. I’ve always lived in a white neighborhood.
  13. My English (before I got to Howard) was ALWAYS prim and proper. I was told I sounded white. I need to start hanging out with more white people so I can get back to that.
  14. I’ve taken etiquette classes, seen operas and ballets, Broadway shows and played an instrument throughout my childhood.
  15. I revolted against all decisions to send me to private or boarding school and am glad I did.
  16. I’m a firm believer in the talented tenth.
  17. We have never eaten chitterlings, hog maws, scrapple, spam, neck bones, or anything of the kind in my house.

 

 

Ok so these may not be bourgie. In fact, I hope that they aren’t. I just think that I got a proper upbringing. I was never taught to look down on others. I don’t flaunt these things at all, they are just a part of who I am. I figure that I know enough about all sides of black folks to make me well rounded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Choice or Necessity? April 15, 2009

Filed under: God, fefe's rambling.. lol — FeFe Fatale @ 6:35 am

By FeFe

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So I say things that I sometimes don’t mean. But a couple weeks ago I wrote that I will only date one man at a time from here on out. Now when I wrote that I thought:

 

Self, who dost thou think thou art? Such thoughts are contrary to thine modas operandi. Why dost thou blaspheme thyself?

 

And they are. It’s not what I normally do. Let’s recap the dating life of FeFe from the ages of 16-25.

16-18: first boyfriend and first love and First.

18-22: second boyfriend, first true love. We dated ALL throughout college.

22-26:  This is when I found out what dating life was actually like in chocolate city. I was young, had a great job, great body, and  my hair was hella long that year. This is when the serial dating commenced. The average length of my relationships in this time frame is 8 months. I meet the man. I fall head over heels. It doesn’t work out. I cry. I get back on the bike and try again. The rebound phase is where the serial dating comes into play. A team is built, and then I narrow it down to one and start all over again.

 

Essentially, I’ve never been completely alone until now. I have no reserves, no benchwarmers and no under studies. The worst thing is that I am ever so slightly ok with this. I have found out that roster’s are just a defense mechanism I use to ease the feeling of rejection or loneliness of not having a man around. I don’t know how I became so reliant on this need for attention, but I don’t like it one bit.

 

I have decided to take a break from this dating thing a little bit longer than lent. In fact, I don’t even have a time frame in mind. I just know that I still feel like my phone needs to ring, and that men need to hit on me, and that I need to be in a relationship, and that I need to be having sex. It’s not a good feeling.

 

I learned these next few points while reading the book Waiting and Dating  by: Dr Myles Munroe

 

·         As long as you perceive lack or incompleteness within yourself, every relationship you enter will be, to one degree or another, an effort to supply that lack or bring a sense of completeness. If you feel deficient, you will build your entire relationship on that deficiency, because you will be looking to the other person to supply that which you don’t have.

 

·         People in this kind of relationship live everyday in insecurity, because they each are expected to supply the other’s lack, and neither knows how long they can keep doing it. The relationship may last only as long as either of them feels its satisfying their needs or compensating for their deficiences.

 

·         You are ready to date only to the extent that you feel whole and complete, apart from any other person. When you regard dating as a choice rather than a necessity, then you are ready.

 

I’m slowly getting it together. So what do you all think about the subject?