By: My Favorite POET.. Mr. Olu Burrell
My friend Olu wrote an article and they PUBLISHED it online.. he is excited which in turn makes me excited ..so here it is:
There is equally as much to shout as there is to whisper about an independent woman. She balances her checkbook, is well-educated, has strong values, is gainfully employed, is ambitious, drop-dead gorgeous, and even borrows from the newly-coined surname of the artist-formerly-known-as Beyonce: Fierce. She is to be heralded, applauded, and encouraged by all those who look upon her: those who are cloaked with envy and those who are clothed in awe. Men love women like this; but there is a tentative spirit in some of the admiration.
This isn’t a treatise about the fragility of the male ego. These words have much less to do with how a man can check his ego in dealing with his equal, and much more to do with the embrace of the feminine. In today’s day and age we are finding a disparaging gap between men and women who have attained success and stability in their respective professional lives. More women are assuming the role of breadwinner and head of household as the “single-mother” phenomenon continues to expand its borders. With the pressures of life: favoritism and sexism in the workplace, women are challenged to ascend to higher levels in order to attain equity. The concern that a lot of men share but oftentimes are remiss to actually disclose is the apprehension felt when encountering such a woman.
While she is adept in every situation that she has previously encountered, men want to know if the woman can be as vulnerable as she is strong. A good man is not looking for a chink in her armor, but simply wants to grasp at the clasp that holds it firmly in place. He wants her to be unobstructed by the prevalent belief that she can “do bad all by herself” and would instead like to counter with: “But who says you have to?” While gender roles have evolved over time, no doubt, there are still men who look for puddles to drape their coats over and allow the woman to walk unsullied…but only if she allows him to do so.
So lovely visitors of the sisters fatale.. Are you allowing a man to be a man? Are you men intimidated by the independent woman? Is being independent destroying the potential for relationships?!
Jolie Fatale
I am single right now… but in my past, I’ve allowed the MEN to be men… Those that didn’t stand up to the plate and chose to act like boys, were treated as such.
Is being independent destroying the potential for relationships?!
I don’t think it does but again, we need strong men that are willing and able to accept these roles. I have no problem being vulnerable but I don’t want it thrown up in my face for the sake of winning an argument. To everyone else, I keep a pretty stone cold exterior, but with my man, I want to be able to be “soft and pink.”
I allow the man to be a man, but unfortunately some of the men tend to not be able to live up to being a “man” because they still have “boy” tendancies.
I think when some meet a woman who is independent and also allows them to be a man, they don’t know how to act.
We, women on a whole, have allowed men to get away with so much stuff, that the average man is used to being mediocre so they don’t put forth the effort.
Frankly, these days you can’t wait on a man to do something or else it won’t get done.
I welcome a man strong enough to both handle my schedule and catch me when I fall.
I would love to have a shoulder to bury tears in, a loving heart to embrace mine, and a place where I can collapse into my nudity.
However…
Until he arrives…
If he ever does…
I make sure I don’t fall and when I do, no one sees me hurt.
I cry in my palms on my knees before The Lord alone.
I meditate away the stress in my chest.
And I slide back into my armor.
I didn’t make the rules, I just learn how to master them and do what I can to make a change.
Later.
B.
“MEN to be men… Those that didn’t stand up to the plate and chose to act like boys, were treated as such”
“I allow the man to be a man, but unfortunately some of the men tend to not be able to live up to being a “man” because they still have “boy” tendancies”
ONE: What “Men tendancies” qualities in the beginning of these relationships did they exhibit to convince you they could be your man? TWO
When did they switch to “boy tendancies” and what are those anyway?
Great post. As I gotten older, I’ve recognized the importance of stepping back and leaving the “I can do it my doggone self” mantra. That attitude only proves that someone is ok having a certain amount of disconnection in their life, not some super statement about independence (uh oh…I feel a new post coming on
). Excellent question, I’m learning as I go but it takes thought when you’re used to holding it down on your own.
” What “Men tendancies” qualities in the beginning of these relationships did they exhibit to convince you they could be your man?”
I wasn’t talking about the BEGINNING of a relationship… that’s supposed to be the aloof, carefree times.
And those boy tendancies?
Unable to communicate, a desire to play video games with the boys instead of working at us. I’m not a time hog, but wouldn’t you want to see your woman at least ONCE a week?
A “Boy” who’d rather play mind games and tell you every reason why it’s NOT okay for you to cry instead of offering his shoulder….
Temps – You know most people put their best foot forward at the beginning and the same goes with a man who is determined to make you his woman. Some things are revealed during the process of getting to know them better. I’ve seen them switch to boy tendancies or should I say selfish tendancies when it came down to being responsible.
wassup with the new layout? i feel like im in the old west. girl it up in here please fatales.
thanks