REPOST: Cause I thought it was good and we dont have a post today … enjoy
So..Today we have a guest poster. A really good friend of mine La Baie Fatale who’s opinion is both funny and TRUE.She reads Very Smart Brothas daily so this may have been here inspiration to tell women from a woman what you SHOULDNT do when it comes to men. SO read on and dont forget to comment oh and remember its called ACTIVE LISTENING…. but in this case.. make sure you read for comprehension! - Jolie Fatale
Rule #2: If you and your cutt buddy happen to end up at the same venue for some reason (i.e. Dive bar in Georgetown) and you two find each other at the end of the night for a drunken make-out session on the corner before heading back to the crib… Do NOT equivocate this to mean anything more than what it is…A Drunken Make-Out session! That’s it! This is just a trailer to the movie…The appetizer before the entree. A refreshing drink of water before the game. This PDA was done in a drunken (read: HORNY) state of mind. It means nothing more. Got it? Great!
Rule #3- Never have a cutt buddy longer than a season. (Ahem.Ahem…LADIES) If you are a certified gangsta then by all means get it in boo…otherwise keep it to a minimum. Women are emotional creatures (whether we wanna fess up to it or not) so unless you are some coldblooded, heartless gangsta that can separate good sex from emotional ties/ high hormone levels, it will be in your best interests to keep the boot knockin period to a minimum. No matter how tough we’d like to pretend we are, with consistent sex over a matter of time comes emotions. Period. Denying yourself of this fact could end up with you looking like “that girl” and him looking at you like “what?!” Don’t play yourself. Please note… There IS a FLIPSIDE and it brings me MUCH joy. I have experienced men that have fallen victim of the G.A.P. (good ass p*ssy) and its always hard for me to see their little sad faces because they have gotten attached and I haven’t. (Poor things)
#3b- Make sure that throughout this experience you are doing a consistent mental check-in. We have all been there when the sex was just so damned good or the buddy was so damned hot that you wished there could be something more. Please snap out of it. If your cutt buddy has already addressed that he/she wants nothing more at this moment and time…please do not veer from the path. It makes the buddy uncomfy and takes the fun out of the whole experience. Remember, NO PRESSURE.
Rule #4: Do not gripe to your friends about your cutt buddy. You will look STUPID. Remember, he/she owes you nothing. Chill.
Rule #5: Do not get sprung or ever act pressed! EVER! Take a hint. If your cutt buddy is not the responsive cutt buddy he/she once was whether it’s after 1 week or 1 month then… MOVE ON! (I KNOW my stuff is great but please. If I gave you a chance and your performance was wackalicious the first go ’round then that more than likely means that you will not be granted another chance. For what? You have failed.) You will know if your potential buddy was satisfied after the first time (there is usually some unspoken contract made afterward)…if not take the unanswered phone calls, texts, emails, gchat messages, etc as hint enough that its not going down again.
Most of this is common sense but many of us have none, so hopefully you’ve learned a little or at least gotten a good laugh. I know I have!
La Baie Fatale
so this goes hand and hand with our blog HLF/FWB same shit. and you know what Baie, youre right. all this is common sense until emotions get involved.
and i totally agree with you about the duration of the HLF relationship. once you get past six months and the friendship becomes to invlolved, things get sticky.
ive vowed not to get into one of these again. but then maybe again this is all i have to choose from since the web has listed me as a “gold digger who wont ever get a man.” lmao.
Comment by FeFe Fatale — August 6, 2008 @ 10:04 am
Dang…where was this blog back in ‘06? I’ve played the fool AND the puppet master and I have no desire to do either again. As for #4, not even a little griping?? LOL
Comment by Esh — August 6, 2008 @ 10:28 am
I especially agree with number 1. I don’t want to know about your family, your career goals, none of that cause I’m not interested in that. Lets just K.I.S.S ….Keep It Simple Stupid
Comment by Yeah Yeah — August 6, 2008 @ 11:10 am
I think a bigger problem is some people don’t they are the “cut buddy” that’s why they can’t follow suite. A couple easy ways to tell if you are a cut buddy.
If I only f*ck with you when I’m drunk, high, or after 11pm
If we never ever talk on the phone..only txt
Comment by Yeah Yeah — August 6, 2008 @ 11:17 am
I just wish everyone, especially women, understood the rules to the game as the writer of this blog does! Don’t try to make me look like a bad person because you wanted to try and read into my actions when I TOLD you what the deal was!
Comment by This nigga here — August 6, 2008 @ 11:20 am
I have to say…this was very enlightening. Not necessarily for me but I should submit this to some of the guys I have tried to have a fling with…they always start getting the googly eyes and trying to fall in love. That shit is for the birds! What happened to the casual fling…I think I stay with them too long. Fortunately, I can so that and not get attached but they cant. When is too long? LOL
Comment by Toocute — August 6, 2008 @ 11:32 am
A-HEM! I PREFER texting to talking on the phone…Am I doomed to be a cutt buddy for the remainder of my days??
And please know that men get the game confused just like women do. Case and point, I get to the club and I’m only two drinks in. You show up. The place ain’t even poppin yet. Why are you all in my face?! I’m not drunk and people might see us! LOL “I’ll TEXT you when I’m leavin, hun.” LMAO
Comment by Esh — August 6, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Funny but very true!!!! I didn’t realize that “cut buddy” relations should only go on for so long, but now that I think about it you’re right!!! Things definitely get complicated after a few months. I’m going to tell my friends to read this blog just in case they didn’t know.
Comment by Ajaxx — August 6, 2008 @ 11:42 am
“A-HEM! I PREFER texting to talking on the phone”
My eye balls are bleeding from reading that!!!
——-
cutbuddies, fyk buddies, FWBs, SWV, BBD from the east coast family. Just stop the nonsense.
I don’t think very many WOMEN can seperate sex and love…why even try to pretend like we have penis’.
Comment by thecomebackgirl — August 6, 2008 @ 11:47 am
but I still love yall ladies…
Comment by thecomebackgirl — August 6, 2008 @ 11:57 am
I’m sorry my text preference is offensive to you, here’s a bandaid
But as someone who works 50 hour + work weeks, often times my sole means of communication is texting. And quite frankly, a lot of phone conversations suck up precious time with a whole lotta “Watchhu doin?” Not about it…I can communicate just as meaningfully through a text and I don’t think the men I deal with mistake my 3:30 pm texts as cutt buddy tendencies. Hell, they’re busy too!
As a WOMAN, there is a certain span of time in which I can discern between love and sex without the line being blurred. I do agree, however, that that separation will only persist for so long. I think that would make #3 a golden rule of sorts…
Comment by Esh — August 6, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
No offense meant or taken…Im not a fan of the phone period because I work in the industry…however I much prefer a quick phone call than a text to ask me out, debate a political topic of the day. Its out of hand.
but face to face time really does trump it all.
I supposd people back in the day CURSED the day of its invention…when a damn telegram or the engagement of all senses when taking quill to ink and then to paper.
Comment by thecomebackgirl — August 6, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
“I supposd people back in the day CURSED the day of the phone’s invention…when a damn telegram or the engagement of all senses when taking quill to ink and then to paper…would suffice.
Comment by thecomebackgirl — August 6, 2008 @ 12:31 pm
I think the cutbuddy–friends with benefits was something a man made up so he could have sex with a woman without the benefits of trying to pretend like they are in a relationship.
Now having said that, you are on point. Never mistake a CB or FWB as anything else but what he is. If you find yourself catching feelings its best to cut ties with the CB/FWB.
Comment by shelia — August 6, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Hmmmm, this is very interesting MISS BAIE FATALE…. but I think you forgot the patented yet needed disclaimer of Safe Sex Now or No Sex Later… But I digress, i think it’s safe to say that if you’re in the business of “cut buddies” you should find someone that is acceptable to look at but you ultimately have no attraction to (makes it much easier for easy separation). Try someone you can’t stand… that makes the one night romp much like a night in the forbidden garden – you know you shouldn’t be in it but damn! let’s have a look around. HA! As a fervent advocate of lovin and leavin, I agree with you Miss Baie but I believe we can cut your informative list down to 3 Ultimate and ClearCut Rules for Cuttin…. 1.) Use one simple text or one simple call to initiate cut buddy process 2.) No more talkin… just be butt naked when he/she/you get there, (smile) and it’s on!!!!! 3.) Times Up! Thanks but it’s time for me/you to go. Talk to you later.
Now where’s the miscommunication in that??
Comment by Le Papillon — August 6, 2008 @ 4:08 pm
A wise man named Lil’ Flip once said “we don’t kiss.” What he said before that or after that isn’t really important.
The point is, kissing is definitely a rule that should be added.
If you don’t kiss someone, it’s a lot harder to be attached or to be confused about the nature of the relationship.
(cut-buddy – is this regional slang or just a term that went out in the 90’s?)
Comment by V. Clev — August 6, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
I can agree with a good amount of that, but you gotta point out that fellas can catch feelings too. We try to act hard 90% of the time, but I’m sure you can think of some times when a guy starts with those “Where you going?”, or “what you mean you can’t do *something*, when I asked you too?”
We can become just as attached as you. I like V. Clev’s point as well. I know I like to kiss, and everyone doesn’t need to experience that.
Comment by Junior — August 7, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
@junior: the only thing i disagree with is that when a man starts thinking
It usually has more to do with his EGO and the fact that y’all dont like to share regardless of the FWB/HLF acronym associated with the relationship. ..
didnt know NUPES had feelings either.. I joke I joke.. I kid .. I kid
Comment by Jolie Fatale — August 7, 2008 @ 3:41 pm
Hi, I think is a very good article. I think that for most women they follow behind the man. And when the man is not open and honest from the door, it can create problems in the long wrong. If a dude is real about his shit, he won’t rob the female of their choice of wanting to deal with him. This goes out to those lame ass cowards that make brothers look bad frontin’ and shit. And for the ladies that are jumpoffs or cuttbuddies, just know your role and understand that. Be Safe and get it in. Peace.
Comment by BrickCity Brotha — August 7, 2008 @ 4:54 pm
@Jolie: NUPES definitely have feelings . . . LOL!!
I think it may have been Comeback who said that it futile to think that we women cannot engage in mind-boggling, D puts you in a temporary state of euphoria, “dang, it was good, so can I see you again tomorrow,” sexual encounter, because of the simple fact that we don’t have the male member. I’m sure there are SOME (probably not too many) who can whole-heartedly disagree with that statement. I think there are times when this can happen moreso than others (perhaps after the dissolution of a serious relationship), but there are definitely women out there who prefer this as a defense mechanism to getting their “feelings” hurt.
Honestly, if I had a cut buddy, I’d rather hang out with you sometimes, because I think it heightens my level of comfort with you. And once I have seen proof of your “clean” status, I’m more likely to be a little more “open” with my bag of tricks, and I’d be more comfortable letting you kiss me. Can’t do the kissing thing with everybody. UGH!
Comment by TheRenegade — August 7, 2008 @ 5:38 pm
see the thing of it is… i dont have sex with anyone i dont wanna KISS … hmm… maybe its cause I’m a kisser.. I’m beggining to think the Cool Kids dont KISS .. I might have to shun a nagga soon… SHUN SHUN .. no kiss for you… just want the D.. and you to lick the wrapper but no lovie dovie kiss kiss ( that was soooo wack) …
I apologize for my wackness above..
Comment by Jolie Fatale — August 7, 2008 @ 6:03 pm
Hot dam#n i re-read my sentiments and I still feel the same LOL.
Comment by thecomebackgirl — October 15, 2008 @ 11:35 am
lol Comeback….me too.
Comment by Shelia — October 15, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Can yall get a new post poppin.
Comment by thecomebackgirl — October 16, 2008 @ 8:33 am