So hopefully by now you’ve read part I. If not you can find it here
So I get off the phone with my new brother and call my dad; by this time he has now told his wife and my sister. I call on the phone and my sister said, ‘so dad has a son…. And he’s a cheater’ I say, “well I guess so.”
I talk to my dad and let him know that he should make an effort to meet his son. Since my dad traveled a lot as part of his profession he was going to be in Miami and somehow or another my new brother was going to fly down to meet him. ON the way back his flight stops in Atlanta and I meet him on his layover. He’s nothing like how I thought he would be he seems overly excited to meet him and I’m kinda leary.
Anywho, after the meeting I guess they talk more and more, etc. Somehow or another I get into a conversation with my little sister who says, “dads not a cheater. He said he wasn’t even married to your mom when our brother was conceived” I say, “he’s a liar! I got proof and I don’t know why I’m having this convo with you.” I talk to my dad and he tries to skirt around what my sister just said to me. So I call my mom and my aunt and people present at this wedding and ask again “WHEN DID Y’ALL GET MARRIED?” everyone confirms.
You see I wasn’t mad about him cheating. He had to take his lie further though and basically talk about my mama. I was offended not only for myself but for my mother. To me it seemed as though here comes this new kid and to make him feel better and to make your wife feel better he isn’t a love child he is somehow a child before you were married to my mom that you just conveniently never met? Get the fugg out of here! IT would not have been a secret for 25 yrs if there was not some dirt behind it. Everyone knows about all his other kids but not this one!?
I was outraged .. LIVID! I was hurt.. I still am hurt. You talk about the woman that raised me. That flew cross country for me to see you. The woman who never wanted anything from you. MY MAMA all for this new kid who I forced you to meet.
I basically went off on my dad, my little sister and her mama. I emailed my dad and basically said that I wanted an apology. I wanted him to apologize to me and my mom and admit to people who did believe his bullshat that he was a LIAR. But instead he sent me an email saying that he wouldn’t do any of that and if I didn’t want to talk to him I should surely “think before I leap.” I thought. I pondered. I came to a conclusion I never needed him for shat my whole life but to be my dad and love me (my mom paid for everything my whole life) and he couldn’t in that moment swallow his pride and do that one thing for me. So I cut off all communication. He never called me. He never emailed me again. He never apologized.
A few months later in April my mom received a call from my step-mom indicating my dad had a heart attack. My mom called me and let me know and asked if I was going to NC to see my dad and if I wanted her to go (my mom has forgiveness aced!). I declined. I figured no need to go down and front by his bedside. He eventually recovered and was put into a recovery center and later sent home. He was home for 2 months. He never called. He never wrote. He never apologized. He died that June.
You all may be thinking I’m stubborn. That I should have gone to his bedside but forgiveness is not easy for me. I felt as though he betrayed me. I loved him unconditionally my whole life. All the missed events: recitals, graduation from high school and college..everything. I excused all that but I couldn’t betray the one person who loved me. MY MOM. He had gone to far this time and I just couldn’t relent. I figured if I was on my death bed and survived I would make amends with everyone. Thank the Lord for sparing me another day and apologize but he didn’t do that.
However, I did attend the funeral. I was dragged there by my MOM. (she is the best woman in the world and I aspire to be more like her) We went to North Carolina. I went to the house. There I saw that my “new brother’ was there. Apparently he had been very much apart of my dad’s life since their meeting in Miami. My dad even attended his graduation from grad school IN A WHEELCHAIR.. (he must really wanted to have attended.. YUP I’m bitter)
So I attend the WAKE where my little sister gets up and calls out all the siblings she gives me a special shout out to say:
“Don’t feel bad Jolie…e ven though you stopped talking to Daddy I’m sure he forgives you”
That little batch
FORGIVES ME! I was sitting there thinking about how he could possibly have a heart attack, recover and never apologize to ME!
After the WAKE back at the house I meet my older brother and sister (who I still speak to today) that was the best thing that ever came out of all of this and I am blessed to know them.
I find out that the burial and homecoming ceremony that will take place the next day. My older brother, older sister and myself have been excluded from speaking at the Homecoming Ceremony. We weren’t even asked. My new brother and little sister are however on the program.
I swore at the burial site when I threw the rose on his coffin I would forgive him. I would try but here I sit almost 3 years later crying at my computer screen as I write. Feeling like a hurt little girl rather than the strong woman I usually am.
The true story all eventually came out being the she-spy that I am:
1. He never divorced his first wife
2. He was illegally married to my mom but they somehow have a legal document on record(since he was never divorced from his first wife)
3. His 3rd wife my sisters mom he never married no record of their marriage ( I never told my sister this. I dont plan on inflicting the same hurt on someone else that they attempted to inflict on me)
The funny part is if people actually new this about this man. The man who helped several leaders in the civil rights movement make change and a stand for our country. The man that helped countless stars rise to fame. They’d be SHOCKED! All the testimonials at his funeral about how he helped them, shaped them into who they were and this is the legacy he leaves his children.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
So today I plan to forgive and kinda forget but the only way I know how is through prayer. It is costing me way to much to keep carrying the burden of an unforgiving spirit.
Its hurting me emotionally and spiritually, and keeps me from becoming the person I should be. It also cuts me off from God, and keeps me from experiencing His peace and joy in my life. The Bible’s command is clear: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
So here goes:
Dear Lord.
Take away my bitterness and help me forgive my dad the same way you have forgiven me – freely and truly. Help me to not hold bitterness in my heart and let go of this pain. In your name I pray.
Amen
I KNOW NOW that I was hurting myself more than hurting him by carrying this around. It’s seemingly like I was taking a deadly drug and expecting the other person to die. Anger eats away at you and takes away the fun or the joy you could be having. I’m glad I am now AWAKE and can live my life FREE!
So since his passing I haven’t talked to ‘the new brother’ I’m not sure why I don’t want a relationship with him but I think he just brings up too much hurt and pain. I guess things just have to happen in due time.
Thanks for reading.
Jolie
lol
An egg white omlette with lots of veggies and some salsa on top. Then I took these:
There is a AM burn you take first thing in the morning you take 2 of them with 8 oz of water. I had to take another 2 after lunch. I ate this for lunch:
grilled chicken with tabasco.. (i lovvvvvvvvvvvve spicy stuff) and some steamed broccoli. It was yummo. Then I went to Policy on 14th in DC which I now refer to as my new Cheers.. because my friends and I go there at least once a week. I had 2 vodka gimlets with fresh lime juice not Rose’s, a vanilla vodka and ginger ale, steamed mussels and a handful of fries. Good thing I didnt eat a lot during the day. So I wouldnt call day 1 a total #FAIL! When I came home last night I took 4 Iso-Cleanse PM pills with lots of water and went to bed.
Jolie Fatale
